A Personal Perspective on Crucial Conversations

By Randy Elder, Leadership Gilroy Board of Directors

Randy Elder is the owner of the full-service CPA firm Elder & Company and currently serves as Treasurer of Leadership Gilroy. As a member of the class of 2012 he was introduced to the book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High (Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler) and states that it improved the way he relates to clients, employees, friends and family. Explaining that crucial conversations are centered around tough issues and when stakes are high, Randy shares his take away thoughts below:

• Create Safety - When a safe space is created, those involved can freely share their opinions and feelings. They articulate their thoughts and theories, whether or not they are the popular sentiment. They contribute to a shared pool of meaning, which, in turn, allows all involved to make better choices.

• Master Your Story - By nature crucial conversations are emotionally charged. Don’t sabotage an already stressful situation by telling yourself how the conversation will unfold and what the other person is thinking. You can only be responsible for your own story.

• Move to Action - After crucial conversations, decide how to move forward. Clearly identify who will be involved in decision making and why. List some of the important decisions to be made and how decisions should be made in the future. This simple discussion will prevent future frustrations.

Having a crucial conversation provides participants the opportunity to share their truth and better their world. Perhaps David M. Kelley says it best: “I always found that if you handle a problem in a benevolent way and a transparent way and involve other people, so it's just not your personal opinion, that people get to the other side of these difficult conversations being more enthusiastic.”